6 weeks

Jonah is six weeks old today! We saw the doctor last week and he gained 3 pounds from his birth weight. Jonah was 8.6 pounds and 20 1/4 inches! Yea! He's a little bit of an unattractive mess right now- lots of acne and cradle cap- so the pictures are not coming out good- but he's still so cute. I am going to attempt to bring him to my job/school today. It's cold but we've put it off for two days so hopefully it will work out. I will take a cab which I never do, but now it is not just about me! I would have walked had it been a little warmer, but oh well. Thursday is Christmas at the Markens

Mom and Dad left yesterday after spending 3 weeks in the city with us. We'll miss them!

One month old

Jonah is one month old tomorrow! I can't believe that he has been with me for a month. I know that time is going to fly by, but wow! He is doing great- eating like a horse, growing into his clothing and even sometimes sleeping for four hours at a time! My friend Susan threw him a baby shower last weekend and it was really nice. We got lots of clothing and many people from my job got to meet him. I actually got the thank you notes done and now am moving on to the birth announcements. As for me, I feel so happy with him but am putting a lot of pressure on myself to get so many things done before I go back to work. I really need to "dig" out from under my stuff here in the apartment so that we can both live comfortably. This is really hard for me so I think I will hire an organizer to help me.

Happy Thanksgiving

I certainly have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving! Jonah is doing fabulously well and we are getting into our routines. The hardest part is keeping up with all the "stuff" especially since I am a clutter bug to start with. Oh well!

On Monday, Jonah's incredibly loving and generous birthparents went to court and terminated their parental rights in front of a judge. Talk about being grateful!! Jonah and I are now a forever family and are only awaiting finalization 3 months from now. I had a nice long talk with his birthmom after they went to court and it was really good to speak with her about a lot of things. I think we are going to maintain a good relationship in the future.

We are off to Thanksgiving with Susan and her family and then my family arrives Tuesday night!
gobble gobble

We are home

Jonah and I received word on Wednesday that we could come home. What a great relief that was- considering that I thought it would be Friday at the earliest. So we have been home for 5 days and are getting into a routine. Jonah sleeps fairly well- up 2x each night. We are getting to know each other. Unfortunately it has been really cold out so we haven't been out of the house in two days. But we did get a visit from friend Melissa and Temple yesterday so that was really nice. As for me, I am working out the logistics of being a single mom of a newborn. The tasks for today are rearranging things in the bedroom and doing laundry!

mommyhood...is wonderful

SO, I've been a mom for a week and it is amazing. I cant believer how this all turned out. I went from having extreme doubts about whether or not someone would make an adoption plan with me TO holding a little boy in my arms in a matter of hours. Living in a hotel room with a newborn is not the easiest of tasks, but it has been well worth it. I hope to go home on Friday- I am waiting for something called the Interstate Compact to be approved basically I have to be approved both by NY and PA before I can take Jonah out of PA. So it is a lot of waiting. This takes 5 to 10 days after the 72 hour waiting period passes. So the 72 hour period was up on Friday night- the BP and I signed papers yesterday and those were filed today. So now we just need to wait until both states approve. Then the BP plan to go to court on Monday to relinquish their rights and I will become Jonah's legal and permanent parent. How amazing!! I am so grateful to Jonah's BP right now- they made the choice to go to court and relinquish their parental rights rather then wait the 30-45 days. They are really good people and I like them a lot. Meanwhile I took Jonah to the doctor's office today and he gained a good amount of weight and is doing really well. I am so happy- now if I could just get home, LOL>

Jonah is here!!

I am a mom!!! Again ,I am a MOM!!!
Tuesday night I got a call from E's boyfriend that she was going into labor. I drove to PA and he was in my arms by 4:00am. This is crazy, amazing, surreal... I am now in a hotel room in PA- I can't leave for legal reasons for at least five more days. But I have my boy with me here and he is absolutely amazing.

Life gives you lemons...

I've been experiencing extreme frustration with J since I visited her. She told me she was going to talk to her doctor about induction and would call me and she hasn't yet- I've called her three times in the 10 days since I've been back and she has not called me back. Apparently she's lost another job and the birthfather wants to get back together with her (information that my lawyer got from her lawyer) all of which makes me very nervous.

SO, when I got a call from E in PA (who I have not heard from for 2 months and thought for sure was gone) telling me that she still wants to place her baby with me, I was more than happy to tell her yes. So, now I am starting a new case while still juggling the old case, just in case. :). She is due at the end of November so we have to act fairly swiftly- of course she also never answers her phone, but she did call me back last night so that is a good sign. I'm trying to go see her and my doctor will be looking at her medical forms. She was supposed to call my attorney today but did not at 11:00 when I spoke to Suzanne. So we will see.....

The cat is out...

Now that I've met J this whole thing feels really real. I told people at work including my boss and so now I have about a month to arrange my leave and all that stuff. I am so not ready. J had told me that she wanted to ask her doctor to induce her so that I could be there for the birth. Of course I've called twice to see what the doctor said and she has not called me back. This doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but it still bothers me. But I've definitely learned that she follows her own agenda and it is useless to try to get her to follow mine. I'm learning to take things one MINUTE at a time and believing that things will all work out the way they are supposed to work out. Hopefully she will call me back soon so that I can plan my leave, etc.

Still in MO

So I am still in MO, having spent the day yesterday with J. We were both nervous, but it ended up being a nice visit. She kept saying how much relief she met after meeting me. She also said she was glad I was single and close to her age. It turns out we have a lot of interests in common although she is a self professed neat freak, which I certainly am not! I did like her and my anxiety was definitely eased.

Meeting

I am in MO right now, waiting for J to arrive at my hotel room and I am EXTREMELY nervous. I had been planning to come out for about 3 week and have had a really hard time getting in touch with her this week- only speaking briefly with her yesterday morning. I feel like there is something a little off and I wonder if, because I want this so badly, my tendency is to ignore my feelings. That is one big reason why I am here, though- to see where my instincts take me. So, I will meet her in less than 90 minutes and will report back here.

And the drama has begun

So now that it looks like J and I will be going forward together, reality abounds. J is in need of money, J is malnourished, J can't miss work or she will lose her third job since she became pregnant. For some reason, J has decided that my lawyer is the devil and has left her long, rambling, abusive messages. For the most part, she has been perfectly lovely to me, although there have been a few times that she has been a bit short with me on the phone. I did receive a sonogram from her which is pretty exciting and will be going to see her in couple of weeks. My lawyer is not looking upon her so favorably which is making me a bit nervous, but if it is meant to be then it will be.

cautiously optimisitic... again

Okay- so it seems that E and P have pretty much disappeared. I am not surprised about P- her common law (possibly abusive) husband had come back and this baby was planned after all. E, however, surprised me and I am disappointed about that. I thought we would make a plan and she seemed so stable and committed. Oh well -the good news is that that J in MO seems like she will stay on board with me. I did have a little bit of a scare with her over the last week, but I think it has settled down. After I called her on a Thursday she didn't return my call, then I called her on the next Sunday- we spoke briefly and she said she would call me back. She sounded really stressed and said she was starting a new job the next day. She didn't call me back so I called Suzanne, my lawyer on Wed and told her that I was concerned that she was not returning my calls. In my limited experience with this process, when that happens, the women tend to disappear so I was getting nervous. Oh, I forgot to say that J had returned her papers and so I had sent money to the lawyer to hold in trust for her. So, Suzanne said we wouldn't send money until we were more sure she was committed. Well, sure enough on Friday, J called very upset with Suzanne. She felt that Suzanne was questioning her commitment and Suzanne had asked her to meet with a lawyer physically. J was very stressed because she had started a new job and could not miss any days. She had already lost two jobs due to this pregnancy and was very low on funds. So, although she was upset about having to meet another "expectation" of Suzanne's her own lawyer had been able to arrange a Saturday meeting with her daughter who is a lawyer. So I released funds to her and have actually made arrangements to go meet her in 3 weeks.

So, fingers crossed, yet again!!

Plans? Hah!

So, things are unfolding in a completely different way than I thought they would. I thought for sure that I would make a plan with E, or maybe P. But both of them seem to have disappeared since Labor day weekend. I've left two messages for each of them which have not been returned and neither one of them have returned the papers to my lawyer. However, J has been in constant contact with her MO lawyer that my lawyer recommended and has sent back her papers. She is caucasian, the father is AA and it is a boy- not exactly the scenario that was in my head, but we are going ahead and I am excited. Not took excited though- I called her a couple of days ago and have yet to hear back. Also,she was recently hit by a car and so the possibility of early labor is very real.

Upside of the roller coaster

I haven't written in a while, but I do have updates. Labor day weekend I got callbacks from 3 of the expectant moms I am in contact with.

1. P from MO- she has a bit of drama surrounding her which worries me a little. She was in a common law marriage with the father of this baby- he left, now he wants her to move somewhere with him. It sounds like he was abusive and she is saying no.. for now.. but who knows what will happen. She has not told him about the adoption plan. He smashed her car and has she has no way to get to the doctor. She is not even sure of how far along she is. BUT she kept telling me that she felt connected to me and she didn't think she would feel this way about another person's ad and she hoped I was committed. I told her I was but until she gets confirmation of pregnancy to my lawyer my hands are tied.

2. E from PA called me back- told she had spent a week at her father's house and her cell phone fell in the pool and she did not have my number which is why she had not returned my calls. She was very apologetic and confirmed her commitment to me. She told me she was going to send the papers back the next day. We had a nice conversation. I called her a couple of days ago and left another message.

3. J from MO- she had actually had a brief conversation with my lawyer and had Suzanne refer her to a lawyer in MO. I spoke to her again this week- she was getting the paperwork together to send to Suzanne this week. She expressed how glad she was that she had answered my ad and that she knew she was making the right decision. She seems really stable and a good prospect.

So, here we have it. Still no commitment, but 3 real good potentials. I will call the lawyer this week to see if she has received any of the paperwork from these women.

waiting still

So, now I can't seem to get in touch with E from PA who has seemed my most likely bm. Both C and P from MO have already hit me up for money without even submitting proof of pregnancy. It appears that C has gone to jail in order to work off a fine, so I have no idea what will happen with her. P on the other hand just told me that she sent the paperwork back to my lawyer sans proof of pregnancy. Hopefully, she will get that this week. I also have another bm in MO- J. She called my lawyer and got paperwork sent to her, but my lawyer never called and told me, even though she told me this was her policy. GRRRR.. anyway, J is due in December and seems really on the ball. So, now I POTENTIALLY have 6 bms on board. Of course I know that I will only end up working with one and that is all that I need.

Someone asked about the process...

Someone on one of my single mother listservs asked about the process. I wrote her a long explanation and decided to post it here as well.

I live in New York and am working with an attorney here. She works with an adoption facilitator who, upon consulting with my lawyer, decides which states to advertise in. They believe in a two week advertising blitz which is probably the biggest expense in adopting this way, but they have been doing this a long time so I trusted them on this. In July I advertised in WA, OR, MD and IL and had connected with a woman in Oregon but that fell through, so I decided to advertise again in August. This time I advertised in MO, NM, AZ and PA. I got a lot more calls the second time. What I did was put together a profile book with pictures and text explaining my life, who I am and why I wanted to adopt. So, when I connected with a birthmother on the phone I would send the book out and then connect with her in a few days to talk again. The first time around I sent out 5 books - one was returned and I think one was a scam. One of them is waiting for papers from my lawyer. The second time around I've sent out 8 books with one more week to go. Two women have already spoken to my lawyer and will be filling out paperwork this week (both are Caucasian). The way it works is the ads run for two weeks and then the phone should ring for another week after that. So I had to be available to answer the phone pretty much 24/7. I am a teacher so it made sense for me to do this in the summer. I did got plenty of crank calls and calls from people who also wanted to adopt, but I had lots of conversations with women who were looking to make an adoption plan. Honestly, I think out of the 11 legitimate books I sent out, 7 were purely Caucasian babies. This is different from working with an agency because when birthmoms come to an agency they are shown a bunch of profiles- and then your profile is competing against profiles of couples. This way, when a birthmom calls your number, you send out your book for her to read. Most don't want to make more than one phone call, so if you make a good impression and she likes your book she will go ahead with you and won't call more ads. It is more work for me, in terms of making the connection with the birthmom and nurturing a relationship with her. But once we make that connection I refer her to my attorney and then we work together to continue our relationship. In terms of race, I was willing to consider a biracial child so my attorney would have me send books to pregnant women who may have answered ads from other clients, but then I felt I was competing against other people because she would have more than one of us send books. In terms of being single, most of these women are single and have raised kids as single moms, so they seem to be okay with it. As long as you have a support system you can present it to them in your profile book . I chose this method as opposed to an agency because someone else on this list felt that it was less of a competition and I have to say I agree with her.

The books I send out are about 15 pages long and they have pictures and text which basically document my life and reasons for adopting. If you have seen any of the websites where people are advertising for adoption it is very similar to those. I think there is something personal about being able to hold the document in your hands and look at it again and again- which is what some of these women have told me that they have done. Some have also referred to specific things within my book which spoke to them. Then of course there were some who did not return my follow up phone call which I took to meant that my book did not speak to them- which was okay. In terms of the ad, I wrote it with the help of my facilitator but she did all the placing of the ads. She acquired the proper attorney letter, did all the calling and charged it all to my credit card. The ads were all placed in newspapers, many of which are also online.

Most of the birthmoms became moms at a young age, working class I would say, some were in school. All of them had other children and were in their twenties or thirties. When they have the initial conversation with my lawyer she asks them preliminary questions about the pregnancy, drugs and alcohol and race. Then she sends more extensive paperwork for them to fill out including proof of pregnancy. This is where I am now. I have two birthmoms who both have told me they want to make an adoption plan with me. So, the attorney has sent them the paperwork to fill out and once it comes back it will become a case. As for gender, I always thought I would have a girl, but the one woman who it looks like I will make a plan with is having a boy, and honestly, I just really want to be a mom so I'm happy.

As for finances- it is hard to predict how much you will spend when adopting like this. If I had connected with someone that my lawyer had passed along I would not have had to pay for advertising. As it is, I had to advertise twice so it will probably be more than I had planned on. Also, it depends on whether or not the birthmother has insurance or medicaid, how far along she is and which state she lives in. Each state has different limits on how much you can pay for her expenses. I think it can be expenses from the third trimester to up to six weeks after the birth and this includes rent and clothing, My lawyer, upon our initial consultation, told me it could cost between $15K and $30K minus advertising (which could go b/w $5k and $15K). I did do a home study and had my court approval completed before I could start advertising. But the first thing that I did was have a consultation with the attorney whose name I got off this list.

So far, I have to say this process has been a good one, but I don't have a completed adoption yet. However, I am pretty confident that I will complete an adoption through this process.

Naomi

Good Things Come in Twos

And I don't mean twins. So... I've been getting over the fact that S from MO was probably conning me. I got a call Wednesday from E in PA telling me she has chosen. GREAT- only thing is its a boy. Which is fine, but I've always seen myself as the mother of a girl. Maybe next time. SO, anyway I got smart and told her that my lawyer would call her, which she attempted to do and got voice mail. My desire for control reared its ugly head once again, but I attempted to control it. Then, today, I got a call from P in MO telling me she wants me to adopt her baby. So, she actually had tried to call the lawyer too but she was waiting for a call back. So, end of an excruciatingly long day my lawyer finally calls me and she's talked to both women and she says their both really good prospects. YEA!!!!

oh, I sent out two more books.

It's a Boy.....maybe...

So, E from PA just called me to let me know that she chose me. Yea! right? I hope so. She is the third person to choose me. But this time I got smart. I told her that Suzanne my lawyer will call her. I seem to loose people when it is time to call the lawyer. S from Mo was supposed to call Suzanne on Monday- nope. Now the phone numbers I have for her seem to belong to different people. So this is why I am trying not to get my hopes up concerning E. But we will see- she sounded genuine, but so so did D and S. I'm not liking what I am learning about human nature from all of this.

UGH

So of course "S" did not call my lawyer yesterday. I will call her today to see what is going on. So my prospects are as follows:

1. S in KC- as described
2. E in PA- she is leaning towards me, but her husband is favoring another couple. She says she will call me later in the week.
3. C in MD- seems to be in it for the money- wants a closed adoption- the only one who has actually spoken to my lawyer.
4. P in MO- baby was planned, husband left. She was very emotional and I am not sure that this is what she wants to do. She was supposed to call me last week and did not. I have very mixed feelings about persuing her.
5. S in MO- hasn't returned any of my calls.
6. the original D in OR- I've sent her two notes in the mail- not really expecting much in return.

I am also expecting that I will get more calls this week. What an emotional roller coaster!!!!

Hopes raised again, but cautiously this time...

I just got a call from S in Kansas City. She only received my book yesterday, showed it to her family and they all loved it. She chose me!!!! Now, here is the kicker.... she is pregnant with TWINS! I've always wanted twins and actually I knew that I would adopt another child eventually. But, I can't help thinking that I am crazy for even considering this. Can I do this? The truth is, if I had conceived via IVF there would have been a good chance of multiples anyway. I see this as the universe's plan for me if it works out. But I am being cautiously optimistic given what happened with D from Oregon. So S is supposed to call my attorney on Monday- fingers crossed that she will.
In hope!

Second time is a charm (fingers crossed)!

So, my new ads went in on Sunday the 3rd of August. Today is the seventh and I've already sent out 5 books. Additionally, my lawyer provided me with three more people to send books to. Amazingly enough, I have to print up more books tomorrow. I started with 16 books and I have one left. I've sent out more books in the 3 days then I did in the entire three weeks last time. However, I again thought I had connected someone - spoke to her last night, she was supposed to call me back today and did not. The difference is, I am more realistic this time- and of course having made so many other connections helps as well. So we'll see..

And so we begin again..

So, I spoke with Heidi, my adoption consultant. She agreed that I shouldn't write D off altogether, but I also need to go ahead and advertise again. So, I am starting to advertise in four new states starting this Sunday. That means 2-3 weeks more of being tied to the phone. Oh well- ending up with a baby will be well worth it. Ironically enough, I got two more calls the day I spoke to Heidi and today my lawyer called with someone else to send a book to. Heidi also advised me to send a snail mail note to D every week just to let her know that I am still here. So I will lay off the phone calls and if she wants to contact me she well. And so it goes...

nothing ever goes as planned

So, I still can't get in touch with D. I left a message on her cell phone last night and then called her house and left a message with her daughter. She wasn't home, so I will give her the benefit of the doubt, but still, her behavior over the last week has not indicated to me that she is in this 100%. I am trying so hard to be patient and understanding but it is very difficult. I just want to get this settled. Really, I need to know whether or not I need to advertise again which entails a huge time and money commitment. I'd rather not make that commitment if I didn't have to, but if D remains uncommunicative I guess I have to make assumptions based on her actions rather than her words.
YUCK!
Naomi

Better it happen now...

So, having still not heard from "D" I came home from dinner with a friend last night. My cell phone rang about 11:30 and I recognized the number as "D's" home number. I answered with a hearty hello only to be given back a gruff "who is this." I answered "Naomi" and was promptly disconnected. I called back her home number and got the answering machine. I told her we got disconnected and can she call me back on the toll free number which she of course did not do.

SO, I imagine she saw my cell number on her cell phone and for some reason did not know who it was so called it (incidently, my phone call to her was two days previously). I have to face the fact that she hung up when she found out it was me, did not answer the phone when I called back and then didn't call me back AGAIN. I truly was not going to call again until Sunday, but I knew she was home and I wanted to make sure that we did not in fact get disconnected.

I am still going to try her on Sunday, but I've pretty much resigned myself to having to advertise again.

No one ever said it would be easy.

Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Sigh... I have to keep reminding myself that nothing ever goes as planned. Or how I want it to be. When D and I last spoke, she agreed to call the lawyer on Monday or Tuesday and then we would speak. Well, I called Suzanne, my lawyer on Wednesday and D had not called her. So I called D and of course she didn't answer so I left a message. I am trying so hard not to panic and to accept that she has a life and even though this is the most important thing in my life right now and I want to get things moving, I am dependent on her and I can't control her. I need to have faith that things are going to happen the way they are meant to happen and not freak out.

Easier said than done!

my fingers are crossed

So this week has been a roller coaster ride. First of all, you have to have a tough hide to ride this adoption train. So, it has been necessary for me to be in the house for most of each day so that I can answer the phone. However, no one told me that most of the calls would be either curiousity seekers, people who want to adopt or just plain bogus. I managed to sent out only 3 profiles in two weeks:

1. to "T" in MD- very strange call - one example of many--she told me she was 18 and had an eight year old. Well, lets just say that her phone number was disconnected and I have been not been able to connect with her since.
2. to "K" in IL. Fed Ex has been trying to deliver the package for about 5 days, but apparently the address she gave me was a parking lot. The package is on its way back to me.
3. to "D" in Oregon- had a long conversation with her last week, sent book, called her on Friday- she said she would call me back in an hour- I didn't get in touch with her again until Monday- BUT this one really seems promising. Now I am just waiting for her to speak with my lawyer... so once again it is out of my hands.

Have, Faith-- that's all I can do.
Peace out all

on my way to adopting

wow! I have not written in a while. That might be because I have had so much to do. With my court approval coming in May, I hired an adoption consultant to help me place ads. We decided to wait til July to do so as I am a teacher and I would have time to answer the phone. So, I've been sort of sitting around for the phone to ring for the last week and a half- got lots of dead end phone calls and have managed to send out 3 profile books. I am cautiously optimistic about one in particular, a woman who is 4 months along in Oregon. We had a rather lengthy conversation the other night and I felt like we connected. I will talk to her again tonight to see what she thinks of my book.
Fingers crossed!

My Adoption Journey

So, I've decided to begin this blog to record my adoption journey. Lets hope that I have more success than with my insemination journey.