Still in MO

So I am still in MO, having spent the day yesterday with J. We were both nervous, but it ended up being a nice visit. She kept saying how much relief she met after meeting me. She also said she was glad I was single and close to her age. It turns out we have a lot of interests in common although she is a self professed neat freak, which I certainly am not! I did like her and my anxiety was definitely eased.

Meeting

I am in MO right now, waiting for J to arrive at my hotel room and I am EXTREMELY nervous. I had been planning to come out for about 3 week and have had a really hard time getting in touch with her this week- only speaking briefly with her yesterday morning. I feel like there is something a little off and I wonder if, because I want this so badly, my tendency is to ignore my feelings. That is one big reason why I am here, though- to see where my instincts take me. So, I will meet her in less than 90 minutes and will report back here.

And the drama has begun

So now that it looks like J and I will be going forward together, reality abounds. J is in need of money, J is malnourished, J can't miss work or she will lose her third job since she became pregnant. For some reason, J has decided that my lawyer is the devil and has left her long, rambling, abusive messages. For the most part, she has been perfectly lovely to me, although there have been a few times that she has been a bit short with me on the phone. I did receive a sonogram from her which is pretty exciting and will be going to see her in couple of weeks. My lawyer is not looking upon her so favorably which is making me a bit nervous, but if it is meant to be then it will be.

cautiously optimisitic... again

Okay- so it seems that E and P have pretty much disappeared. I am not surprised about P- her common law (possibly abusive) husband had come back and this baby was planned after all. E, however, surprised me and I am disappointed about that. I thought we would make a plan and she seemed so stable and committed. Oh well -the good news is that that J in MO seems like she will stay on board with me. I did have a little bit of a scare with her over the last week, but I think it has settled down. After I called her on a Thursday she didn't return my call, then I called her on the next Sunday- we spoke briefly and she said she would call me back. She sounded really stressed and said she was starting a new job the next day. She didn't call me back so I called Suzanne, my lawyer on Wed and told her that I was concerned that she was not returning my calls. In my limited experience with this process, when that happens, the women tend to disappear so I was getting nervous. Oh, I forgot to say that J had returned her papers and so I had sent money to the lawyer to hold in trust for her. So, Suzanne said we wouldn't send money until we were more sure she was committed. Well, sure enough on Friday, J called very upset with Suzanne. She felt that Suzanne was questioning her commitment and Suzanne had asked her to meet with a lawyer physically. J was very stressed because she had started a new job and could not miss any days. She had already lost two jobs due to this pregnancy and was very low on funds. So, although she was upset about having to meet another "expectation" of Suzanne's her own lawyer had been able to arrange a Saturday meeting with her daughter who is a lawyer. So I released funds to her and have actually made arrangements to go meet her in 3 weeks.

So, fingers crossed, yet again!!